40 Fantastic Animal Jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak-out.
What do you get if you cross a cow and rooster?
Roost beef.
Did you hear about the rancher who had 97 cows in his field?
When he rounded them up, he had 100.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig.
Why don't cattle ranchers work in the mountains?
The steaks are too high.
How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One team, but they’ll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
Why the the doofus talk to his door when he was locked out?
He heard communication was the key.
What kind of dog did the magician adopt?
A labracadabrador.
Why did the ducks at the park always attack the little brown puppy?
He was a pure bread dog.
What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller?
Spot.
What do you do when your dog chases someone on a bike?
Take his bike away.
Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can’t break the ice.
What’s the difference between an old bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
Why did the ducks at the park always attack the little brown puppy?
He was a pure bread dog.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they fly over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What did the fish say when he hit a wall?
Dam!
Where do horses like to live?
In a nice neighborhood.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open toad.
What kind of socks do grizzlies wear?
None, they have bear feet.
Why did the grizzly get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear faced lyre.
If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
K9P.
Did you hear about that amazing frog documentary?
I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was ribbeting.
Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake?
Someone else's.
What do you call a moose with no name?
Anonymoose.
Why don't dogs tell other people's stories?
They're just always chasing their own tale.
What does a quantum frog say?
Quibit.
How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Where does the bear army store its weapons?
In the bearracks.
Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
They don’t have the right koala-fications.
What do you call a fake goldfish?
A dekoi.
How do fish stay so healthy?
They take plenty of vitamin sea.
What do fish sing during winter?
Christmas corals.
How do you find out if your significant other loves you as much as your dog does?
Lock both in the trunk of your car for an hour and see who's happier to see you afterward.