41 Heart Bursting Relationship Jokes
Why did the man bring his crush to a volcano?
He was hoping she'd fall in lava with him.
Why are parallel lines so sad?
They have so much in common, but they'll never, ever meet.
What was the man’s favorite piece of furniture?
His recliner. They go way back together.
What happened to the husband who accidentally gave his wife a glue stick instead of her lip stick?
She still isn't talking to him.
Why should you never date an apostrophe?
They can be possessive.
What did the wife say when her husband replaced their bed with a trampoline?
She really hit the ceiling.
Why did the melons have a big wedding ceremony?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why are flowers friendly with each other in the Spring?
They're going to be buds.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day?
It was loaf at first sight.
Which friends should you take to dinner?
All your taste buds.
Why don't dentists get along with manicurists?
They fight tooth and nail.
Why don't people have weddings in the winter?
They're worried about someone getting cold feet.
Why did the British possum cross the road?
To see his flat mates.
Why did the cannibal leave dinner?
He was just fed up with everyone there.
Did you hear that 99% of people play scary pranks on their friends?
That's a frightening statistic.
Where did the sine and her cosine go?
They went off on a tangent.
How do you break up with a farmer?
Write a John Deere letter.
Why can't eagles mate with eels?
That's eel eagle.
How would you define a mistress?
Somewhere between a mister and a mattress.
What did the Nihilist whisper into his lover's ear?
Sweet Nothings.
What trees are the most faithful to their partners?
The ones that practice mahogany.
Why did the dad approve of his daughter's goalie-boyfriend?
He was a real keeper.
How can you save money on Valentine's gifts?
Be single.
What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid's arrow?
Ouch!
What did the chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day?
Just a little quiche.
What did one side of the toast say to the other?
You're my butter half.
What do you call a very small Valentine?
A Valentiny.
Why was that man twisting the wedding ring on his finger?
He was trying to figure out the combination.
Who might you meet on a dating site for roofers?
All the shingle ladies.
What do you call podiatrists who hate each other?
Arch enemies.
What did the husband tell his wife when he found the letters she was hiding, and realized she was cheating?
He said, "I'm never playing Scrabble with you again."
How do tightrope walkers meet their romantic partners?
Online dating.
How are relationships like algebra?
Because you look at an X and wonder Y.
How do you find out if your significant other loves you as much as your dog does?
Lock both in the trunk of your car for an hour and see who's happier to see you afterward.
When is it a bad thing to meet your wife on a vacation?
When you told her you were traveling for business.
Why don't professional fighters have sex the night before a big fight?
Most of the time they just don't like each other very much.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
A husband is less likely to get killed by an iron for yelling "Iron Man" at home.
What's the best way to get over someone who's broken your heart.
A steamroller.
How do foxes turn into hippos?
They get married.
What's the worst thing your spouse can say while you are making love?
Honey, I'm home!