38 Fine-Feathered Bird Jokes
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It’s way too far to walk.
What do you call an eagle who can play the piano?
Talonted.
Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can’t break the ice.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they fly over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?
A penguin falling down the stairs
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
What did the duck say to the lady at the lipstick counter?
Put it on my bill.
What did the duck say to the lady at the lipstick counter?
Put it on my bill.
Why did the ducks in the park attack a dog?
They heard he was pure bread.
What do you call a duck that gets good grades?
A wise quacker.
Why did the ducks at the park always attack the little brown puppy?
He was a pure bread dog.
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
What time do industrious duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
What sound does a subatomic duck make?
Quark.
What do you call a cold parrot?
A Brrrrrrrrd.
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.
What shape is an empty parrot cage?
It's a polly gone.
What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to get a bunch of crows together?
He was arrested for attempted murder.
What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves
What do you call birds that stick together?
Velcrows.
What do you do if someone tells you to stop impersonating a flamingo?
You put your foot down.
Why was the pet store just giving away their legless birds?
There was no perches necessary.
Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight?
He brought the wrong carrion.
Why should you not challenge someone with bird puns?
Toucan play at that game.
Why can't eagles mate with eels?
That's eel eagle.
Why do people want a chicken-proof lawn?
They're impeccable.
How does a penguin build his house?
Igloos it together.
Why did the farmer's wife leave him?
He was always picking up chicks.
How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Did you hear about the tropical birds who got stuck together?
I can't explain it. It's toucan-fusing.
Did you hear how ancient South American owls used to carefully harmonize?
The were Inca hoots.
Why did the pigeon get thrown in federal prison?
He was staging a coo.
What did they do before the invention of the crowbar?
The just drank in the nest.
What do you call a pigeon with four feet?
A stool pigeon.