How much do you earn playing soccer?
Not much. Most people do it just for kicks.
What superhero is the best baseball player?
Batman.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
How do you get fired from a weight lifting job?
You get a too weak notice.
Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to the minor leagues?
He was just making too many wookie mistakes.
What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
Shakespeare.
Why are skeletons so bad at sports?
They have no skin in the game.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why do stadiums get hot after the game?
The fans leave.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
Why can't a race that starts in Finland end in Finland?
Because the runners cross the Finnish line.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
Do you really need a parachute to go skydiving?
No. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Why did the football coach ask for a refund?
He needed a quarter back.
What is a cheerleader’s favorite drink?
Root beer.
In baseball, would it take longer to run from 1st to 2nd base or 2nd to 3rd base?
2nd to 3rd base because there’s a shortstop in between.
Why don't you ever date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
No, but a tin can.
Did you hear about the gymnast's bank account?
Her balance was outstanding.
Have you ever been to the shooting range when it's pitch dark in there?
You don't know what you're missing.
What is the hardest part about sky diving?
The ground.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette.
What's a good question to ask someone who might not be able to kayak?
Canoe?
Why did the dad approve of his daughter's goalie-boyfriend?
He was a real keeper.
Did you hear about the couple who went canoeing on their first date?
It was pretty row-mantic.
Why don’t people play basketball with garbagemen?
They're always talking trash.
Why did dad take his pick-up truck onto the golf course?
He heard it was a driving range.
Why don't clams lift weights?
They don't have mussels.
Why do race car drivers take a break during a race?
When they're getting tired.
What do spiders like to do at the river?
Fly fishing.
When is the jousting tournament?
Knight time.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
What kind of races to bugs like?
Gnats car.
What part of a golf course is the most common spot for a bad lie?
The scorecard.
Did you hear about the prison that held a fancy golf tournament?
There were pros and cons.
What is the proper official call when a golfer attempts to retrieve a ball from an alligator’s mouth?
An ambulance.
What do you get when you cross a baseball field with a golf course?
A diamond in the rough.
What do you use to find the location of a golf ball?
A lie detector.
Why did the turtle lose the jousting competition?
He was a slow poke.
Why was Cinderella bad at football?
She had a pumpkin for a coach.
Why wasn't the woman happy about overcoming her addiction to hiking?
She wasn't out of the woods yet.
What does the average high school football player get on their SAT?
Drool.
Why don't professional fighters have sex the night before a big fight?
Most of the time they just don't like each other very much.
What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and an insect's tiny curly wig?
One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, if it's an ordinary light bulb. But dang, you should have seen the size of the light bulb that got away!
What is a person really telling you when they tell you they climbed Mount Everest.
It was a challenge to manage all the details, but still, they made it up.
Why do hockey players always make terrible birthday cakes?
Because icing is not allowed.
Why is a bowling alley considered the quietest place in the world?
Because in a bowling alley, no matter how busy it is, you can always hear a pin drop.
How can you tell if a mathematician is into figure skating?
Look for the Fibonacci sequins.
What was so awful about the clock's hockey game?
There was a face off in the corner.
What position does a crab play in baseball?
Pinch hitter.
Why did the French football team keep scoring goals against themselves?
They love Toulouse.
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.