How often should you tell jokes about basic elements?
Periodically.
What did one DNA strand ask the other DNA strand?
Do I look ok in these genes?
Why didn't people like the restaurant on the moon?
The food was fine, but there was no atmosphere.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
He was a little shocked.
Why did the woman only get sick on work days?
She blamed it on her weekend immune system.
How much does a dead battery cost?
It’s free of charge.
Why can't you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
Who will plant seeds in the spring?
Whoever has botany.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
How do you measure the weight of crackers?
In grahams.
Have you heard about the world's most famous water spy?
Bond. Hydrogen Bond.
How do you determine the gender of an ant?
If it floats on water, it is buoyant.
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
Why did the capacitor kiss the diode?
He just couldn't resistor.
What do you say if someone tells you you're a unit of electrical power?
You say, "I'm a watt?"
Why don't photons have suitcases?
They are traveling light.
What did everyone say when Oxygen and Magnesium got married?
They were like, OMg!
Why is a joke like a frog?
If you dissect it, it doesn't work any more.
What do you call a wandering caveman?
A meanderthal.
Why can't America switch from pounds to kilograms?
It would cause mass confusion.
Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?
Because you don't want anything to fall out.
Why shouldn't you take advice from electrons?
They are always negative.
How did the scientist respond when his assistant said that the did not understand the alien cloning machine?
That makes two of us.
Did you hear about the kid who played with electricity?
His parents grounded him until he learned to conduct himself properly.
What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?
Oops! My fault!
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
Graduated, whatever, but I have more degrees.
Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?
A burger is in its ground state.
Why don’t geologists like scary movies?
They might be petrified.
Which type of books are the easiest to get through?
Non-friction books.
Where did the chemist sometimes have his lunch?
On a periodic table.
What did the helpless T cell say when facing the infection?
Is there antibody out there?
What do you call a bunch of iron atoms at a carnival?
A ferrous wheel.
What’s a pirate’s favorite element?
Aaaaargon.
Why did the physicist break up with the biologist?
There was no chemistry.
How do geologists ask each other out?
They say, “Are you a carbon sample? Because I’d love to date you.”
What do baby parabolas drink?
Quadratic formula.
How can you tell a plumber from a chemist?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
Why are chemists so frequently drunk?
They regard alcohol as a solution.
What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?
The atoms family.
Where do electricians get supplies?
The Ohm Depot.
When do you stop telling chemistry jokes?
When all the good ones argon.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was 3 feet deep, on average.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane.
What did Einstein say about the party?
He had a relatively good time.
What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their date?
We have potential.
What did Robocop say to Schrodinger's cat?
Dead or alive, you're coming with me.
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
There was no chemistry between them.
Are there any good jokes about sodium?
Na.
What do batman and 16 atoms of sodium have in common?
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, you may have to barium.
What do you tell someone who says science is better than math?
Prove it.
Why can't you trust a centrifuge on a submarine?
It's a subterfuge.
What did the charged atom say to the other atoms?
I got my ion, you.
Why are helium, curium, and barium the three main medical elements?
If you can't curium or helium, you barium.
What's the difference between astronomy and astrology?
Approximately fifty IQ points.
What did the T cell say when facing a nasty infection?
Is antibody out there?
Did you hear the joke about alkaline metal?
It gets a good reaction.
What do you call it when someone tells too many dumb COVID jokes?
A pundemic.
What does it mean that protons have mass?
It depends on which church they go to.
Why did the science kid recite the alphabet as A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
Because he heard water was H2O.
How much is a pint of adenosine triphosphate in a British pub?
80p.
Did you hear about the quantum pirate?
He'll make you walk the Planck.