Why should you never buy Velcro?
It's a rip-off.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
How do they figure out the price of hammers?
Per pound.
How do you get a good price on a sled?
You have toboggan.
What did the duck say to the lady at the lipstick counter?
Put it on my bill.
Did you hear about how people fought when the boat paddles went on sale?
It was quite an oar deal.
How much does a dead battery cost?
It’s free of charge.
Why did the man refuse to buy a coffin?
It was the last thing he needed.
Did you hear about the sale at the Darth Maul?
Everything was half off.
Why was the pet store just giving away their legless birds?
There was no perches necessary.
Where do electricians get supplies?
The Ohm Depot.
Why did Han and Chewie decide to go shopping on Black Friday?
Because the prices were Solo.
Why did the bald man ask to see the wig store salesman?
Toupee.
What's the slipperiest part of the book store?
The non-friction section.
What did the sales lady say when asked if their fancy underwear was satin?
She said no. It was all brand-new.
Did you hear about the sale at the optimism store?
Everything is 50% on.