What do you call the King’s one rabbit?
The true hare to the throne.
What kind of dog gets sad when he eats cantaloupe?
Melon Collie.
Where can you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
What do you do when your dog chases someone on a bike?
Take his bike away.
What kind of dog loves the salon?
A Shampoodle.
What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller?
Spot.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it’s really scary for their seeing-eye dog.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
How can you find out what killed a cute kitten?
Perform an Awwww-topsy.
Why was the pet store just giving away their legless birds?
There was no perches necessary.
Why don't dogs tell other people's stories?
They're just always chasing their own tale.
What do you call a fake goldfish?
A dekoi.
How do you find out if your significant other loves you as much as your dog does?
Lock both in the trunk of your car for an hour and see who's happier to see you afterward.
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
So he could get a long little doggy.
Did you hear about the dog who went to the flea circus?
He stole the show.
What kind of dog does a vampire like?
A bloodhound.
What shape is an empty parrot cage?
It's a polly gone.
What do you get when you mix a aooster, a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?
Cocker-poodle BOO!
Why do cats always get their way?
Because they’re purr-suasive.
Why did Susan take her dog to the vet?
He said he was feeling ruff.
Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.