Jokes About Fear
What’s the scariest plant in the jungle?
BamBOO!
Why did the woman think her calendar was trying to kill her?
Her days were numbered.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Why are skeletons so afraid of everything?
They don’t have any guts.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it’s really scary for their seeing-eye dog.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
Why were the pancakes and eggs afraid of the new breakfast meat?
They'd never sausage a thing.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a big fight, and 2021.
Why should you be scared of the area under a tree?
Because it looks a little shady over there.
How can you manage a fear of elevators?
You need to take steps to avoid them.
Why did the woman switch the labels on the spice rack? 
She was afraid that the thyme was cumin.
What do you do when you're afraid of a speed bump?
You slowly get over it.
What should you say to comfort someone who's worried about correct grammar?
There, their, they’re.
Why are robots never afraid?
They have nerves of steel.
What do you call a scared young Jedi?
Panickin' Skywalker.
Why was the calendar afraid?
It knew its days were numbered.
Why don’t geologists like scary movies?
They might be petrified.
How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb?
Wait. Why? Who wants to know?
What did the doctor tell the patient who was afraid of squirrels?
He thought his patient must be nuts.
What do you call a fear of New Year's Eve?
Old Langxiety.
Why did the woman get scared when her foot fell asleep?
She worried it might be coma toes.
Why are musicians afraid of the key of E minor?
It gives them the E B G Bs.
Why did four refuse to be in the number play?
It was two squared to get on stage.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.
Why don't people have weddings in the winter?
They're worried about someone getting cold feet.
What do you say to a geneticist who mixes sheep and human DNA?
Ewe people scare me.
At the library, where can you find books on paranoia?
Probably right behind you.