Why did everyone leave grandma's birthday party after only one minute?
Because it was her sixty-second birthday.
What do you call a retired vegetable?
A has bean.
Guess who grandma bumped into on the way to the eyeglasses store?
Everybody.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle.
What do you name a teenager who never grows old?
Constantine.
How can you tell if you're young or old?
Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic, you're old.
Why don't rabbits live very long?
They're on burrowed tiime.
What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?
Retired.
What is a prize old people can win for aging?
Atrophy.
Why didn't grandpa like his eighty-fifth birthday cake at his big party?
One cake would have been plenty.
What do you call it when fish are too old to have babies?
Minnow pause.