Why are skeletons so bad at sports?
They have no skin in the game.
What did the skeleton order at the bar?
One drink and one mop.
Why are skeletons so afraid of everything?
They don’t have any guts.
Why did the skeleton fail his test?
He was kind of a bonehead.
Why did the skeleton cancel his performance?
His heart wasn’t in it.
How does a French skeleton say hello?
Bone-jour.
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What kind of mistakes do baby ghosts make?
Boo boos.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bawking Dead.
What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo jeans.
Why do they put a fence around a cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why was the zombie stressed at work?
His project had a really tight undeadline.
What happened when the vampire bit a snowman?
Frostbite.
What’s the scariest plant in the jungle?
BamBOO!
Where do ghosts go on holidays?
The Boohamas.
What do vegetarian zombies want?
Graaaaiiiiinss!
What room is left out of a ghost’s house?
The living room.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
Why is it so unpleasant to hang out with a vampire?
He can be such a pain in the neck.
Why don’t mummies take vacations?
The last thing they want to do is relax and unwind.
Why did the ghost go to rehab?
To get himself off of the boos.
What’s the best way to get rid of a fat demon?
Exorcise regularly.
What does a ghost need to go spook forest creatures?
A haunting license.
Why do ghosts like elevators so much?
It lifts their spirits.
What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo jeans.
They have no body to be with.
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest.
Why was the ghost lonely?
He lost his ghoul friend.
What do you get when you mix a aooster, a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?
Cocker-poodle BOO!
Why did the ghost go to rehab?
To get himself off of the boos.
What kind of mistakes do baby ghosts make?
Boo boos.
What is a ghost’s favorite street?
A dead end.
What does a ghost need to go spook forest creatures?
A haunting license.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
I scream.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
Bootiques.
Did you hear about the ghost celebration?
It was spooktacular.
Why did the ghost go to his school reunion?
He wanted to dig up an old friend.
Where do ghosts go on holidays?
The Boohamas.
What did the ghost say to his passengers when they got in the car?
Buckle your sheet belts, everyone.
What room is left out of a ghost’s house?
The living room.
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Lake Erie.
What monster is the best dancer?
The boogie man.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How did the mummy address his angry letter?
Tomb it may concern...
Where can you usually find a cemetary?
In the dead center of town.
What kind of boat does a vampire have?
A blood vessel.
What caused the angry witch to get into a broom crash?
She flew off the handle.
What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain bread.
What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the doughnuts.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
What do zombies actually like about normal humans?
The flavor, mostly.
What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed.
Did you hear that 99% of people play scary pranks on their friends?
That's a frightening statistic.
Why don’t geologists like scary movies?
They might be petrified.
What's the problem with dyslexic zombies?
Nothing, unless your name is Brian.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
They're always working the graveyard shift.
Why should you never visit a cemetery at night?
It would be grave danger.
What’s the problem with twin witches?
You never know witch is which.
Did you hear about the zombie astrologer?
It was really into horror-scopes.
What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A lot of tough blood tests.
Where do skeletons go for a fun night?
They like a hip joint.
What do you call a time traveling werewolf?
A whenwolf.
Do zombies eat with their fingers?
No, they eat their fingers separately.
What do ghosts wear if they have bad eyesight?
Spooktacles.
What is a zombie's favorite part of dinner?
When they rise from the gravy.
They avoid exorcising.
Whats the difference between a zombie and baby?
A zombie may eat your brains, but a baby kills your dreams.
What do you call a vampire on a diet?
Count Calories.
What kind of insects want to sting your brains?
Zom-bees.
What's the difference between wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
Why doesn't the invisible man go to the hospital?
The doctors won't see him.
What kind of dog does a vampire like?
A bloodhound.
What do you get when your teacher is a vampire?
Blood tests.
Have you heard of the blind Cyclops brothers?
Neither have eye.
What's the difference between a romantic comedy and a horror movie?
In a romantic comedy, people die on the inside.
What happens when you goose a ghost?
You get a hand full of sheet.
Who is fastest among the undead?
Zoombies.
What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?
A polterheist.
What do you call a chicken that haunts your house?
A poultrygeist.
Why are graveyard supermarkets so big?
All the product shelves are tomb aisles.