What does a lawyer wear to work?
A law suit.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo jeans.
What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on a head. I’ll hang around here.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator.
With a booby trap.
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
Why should you never buy Velcro?
It's a rip-off.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why do pirates wear an eye patch?
Because there is only one I in pirate.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
What sounds like a sneeze, but is made of leather?
A shoe!
What do you call people who sleep in just one sock?
Tiny.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open toad.
What kind of socks do grizzlies wear?
None, they have bear feet.
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear?
Loafers.
A New Jersey.
Why is a good speech like a mini skirt?
Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention.
What do you get when you dress the Hulk in Captain America's clothes?
A Star-Spangled Banner.
Where do traveling businessmen keep their underwear?
In a briefcase.
How do mountains keep themselves warm in winter?
Snow caps.
Why can't lawyers keep their underwear on?
Because they're constantly required to file their briefs.
Why should sneaky people wear leather?
It's literally made of hide.
What do pirates wear in the winter?
Long Johns Silver.
Why is the Army so strict about uniforms?
To minimize casual tees.
What kind of lunch meat goes into your boots?
Below knee.
How do you wake up a loafer?
With a shoe horn.
Why is losing one sock so bad for the other sock?
It's tragic to be separated from your sole mate.
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper.
Did you hear what happened when two silkworms had a race?
It all ended up in a tie.
What did the sales lady say when asked if their fancy underwear was satin?
She said no. It was all brand-new.
When does a shoe get bigger?
When you add a foot in it.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt.
What do you call a belt made out of $100 bills?
A waist of money.
Why did the envelope take so long to get ready?
It had to get addressed for the trip to the mailbox.
Why do hippies like corduroy?
It's groovy.