What does a lawyer wear to work?
A law suit.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
Why did the police charge the child for refusing a nap?
The child was resisting a rest.
What do you call a prison joke that isn’t funny?
A sentence.
Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed, I tell ya!
How did the toilet thief get away?
Police had nothing to go on.
What do you call it when a lawyer takes a test early in the morning?
A breakfast bar.
Why did the man say when he was arrested for stealing encyclopedias?
He said, “Wait! I can explain everything!”
Justice is a dish best served cold. Why?
If it were served warm, it would be just water.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to get a bunch of crows together?
He was arrested for attempted murder.
What do you call a priest that becomes an attorney?
Father-in-law.
What happened when the skunk was on trial?
The judge declared, "Odor in the court!"
Who does sketches for the police?
A con artist.
Did you hear about the guy who was hiding from exercise?
He was in the fitness protection program.
Did you hear about the child psychic who escaped from authorities?
He's a small medium at large.
Why was the mystery writer's will so dissapointing?
Of everything he'd ever written, this one was a dead giveaway.
What do you call a trespassing camper?
Criminal intent.
Did you hear about the guy convicted of killing another man with sandpaper?
He only intended to rough him up a bit.
The difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Did you hear the one about the shepherd who drove his flock back and forth through town?
He was given a ticket for making an illegal ewe turn.
Did you hear about the criminals who became friends when the warden mixed up their prison files?
The were so close that from then on they finished each others' sentences.
Why can't lawyers keep their underwear on?
Because they're constantly required to file their briefs.
Did you hear about someone drilling a hole in the nudist colony fence?
Police are actively looking into it.
Why can't eagles mate with eels?
That's eel eagle.
Whats the problem with tainted money?
It taint yours and it taint mine.
How might your OCD land you in jail?
Organized Crime.
Have you heard about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally.
Why was Igor fired from his job as an interrogator?
He didn't ask why.
Did you hear about the woman who sued the airline for losing her luggage?
She lost her case.
Why did police give up investigating the cement factory robbery?
There wasn’t any concrete evidence.
Where does light go to jail?
In a maximum security prism.
How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Say "Fees!"
What did the police find at the scene of the aquarium accident?
Squid marks.
How do police identify the prime suspect in a cat burglary?
They look for the purr-petrator.
Why can't guilt or innocence be legally determined by cats?
Too much risk of purrjury.
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them.
Where does bad light end up?
It's sent to prism.
When do police get called to the rabbit salon?
When someone is having a bad hare day.
What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?
A polterheist.