What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
Where did the cow get his fancy wooden furniture?
From a cattle log.
What’s a cat’s favorite color?
Purrple.
How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One team, but they’ll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Lake Erie.
Why the the doofus talk to his door when he was locked out?
He heard communication was the key.
What is a caterpillar's worst frenemy?
A dogapillar.
Where do cats write notes?
Scratch paper.
What's the worst thing about raining cats and dogs?
When someone steps in a poodle.
What do you call twin kittens?
Dupli-cats.
Why does a tiger have stripes?
They prefer not to be spotted.
How can you find out what killed a cute kitten?
Perform an Awwww-topsy.
What did the leopard say to the chef after dinner?
He said, "That really hit the spots."
What do you call a cat teacher?
A purrfessor.
What do you call two cats tied together?
An octopus.
What’s a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse?
Catch.
What do you call a well dressed jungle cat?
A dandy lion.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
Three Blind Mice.
How do police identify the prime suspect in a cat burglary?
They look for the purr-petrator.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws.
If your kid refuses to eat fish, what's a good alternative?
Cats. Cats love fish.
Why can't guilt or innocence be legally determined by cats?
Too much risk of purrjury.
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them.
Why do cats always get their way?
Because they’re purr-suasive.
Where to cat divas go to the bathroom?
In a glitter box.