What kind of dog loves the salon?
A Shampoodle.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it’s really scary for their seeing-eye dog.
What kind of dog gets sad when he eats cantaloupe?
Melon Collie.
What do you get if you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?
Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Why did the ducks in the park attack a dog?
They heard he was pure bread.
Where can you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
What kind of dog did the magician adopt?
A labracadabrador.
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
Why did the ducks at the park always attack the little brown puppy?
He was a pure bread dog.
What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller?
Spot.
Why do dogs float in water?
Because they are good buoys.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
They have two left feet.
What kind of dog can find anything?
A labragoogle.
What do you risk by taking care of too many dogs?
Roverdosing.
When is it absolutely justified to look out for number one?
When your dog isn't house trained.
What is a caterpillar's worst frenemy?
A dogapillar.
What do you do when your dog chases someone on a bike?
Take his bike away.
What was the problem with the blacksmith's dog?
Every time the blacksmith left, the dog made a bolt for the door.
What's the worst thing about raining cats and dogs?
When someone steps in a poodle.
What kind of dog does a vampire like?
A bloodhound.
What's got four legs and one arm?
A good guard dog.
Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.
If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
K9P.
Why don't dogs tell other people's stories?
They're just always chasing their own tale.
Why don't human beings hear a dog whistle?
Because dogs can't whistle.
How do you row a canoe filled with puppies?
Doggie paddle.
How do you find out if your significant other loves you as much as your dog does?
Lock both in the trunk of your car for an hour and see who's happier to see you afterward.
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
So he could get a long little doggy.
Did you hear about the dog who went to the flea circus?
He stole the show.
What do you get when you mix a aooster, a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?
Cocker-poodle BOO!
Why did Susan take her dog to the vet?
He said he was feeling ruff.
Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.