What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A desserter.
Did you hear about the man who implanted a chip in his body to stop hunger?
In fact, he implanted a whole bag of chips.
What’s the best way to get rid of a fat demon?
Exorcise regularly.
Does everyone understand what a weight-loss mantra is?
Fat chants.
What’s the easiest way to burn 1,000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven.
Why did the woman delay her diet plans?
She had too much on her plate right now.
Why is the dieting advice to “eat light” so dangerous?
That’s how you become a black hole.
Did you hear the story about the sugarless jelly beans?
It's bitterweet.
How do you know if your family can't count calories?
You probably have the figures to prove it.
What do you call a vampire on a diet?
Count Calories.
Have you heard about the pasta diet?
You walk pasta donut. You walk pasta bag of chips. You walk pasta bowl of ice cream. And so on.