How much does Santa have to pay to park his sleigh on Christmas?
Nothing. It's on the house.
What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Something smells like carrots.
What does a snowman do on his day off?
Not much. He just chills.
What do elves learn in kindergarten?
The elfabet.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
Why did Rudolph have a bad report card?
Because he went down in History.
Who helps Santa check his grammar on the letters he writes to all the little kids?
Subordinate clauses.
Why did the philosopher wear wrapping paper?
He wanted to live in the present.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
How is Christmas like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
What sickness is caused by eating Christmas trees?
Tinselitis.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
What's the best thing about collecting candy canes?
They're always in mint condition.
What is a mime’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.
What do fish sing during winter?
Christmas corals.
Where does Santa Claus vote?
The North Poll
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
Cookie sheets.
What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What do you call a red-headed baker?
A ginger bread man.
What do you call a Christmas tree that knows karate?
Spruce Lee.