What do you say when the Statue of Liberty sneezes?
God Bless America.
Which state is the smartest?
Alabama - it has four As and a B.
Why couldn't the Founding Fathers get a date?
The ladies thought they were revolting.
The same thing as Arkansas.
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?
European.
Why are the Great Lakes running out of water?
Because everyone is drinking Canada Dry.
A New Jersey.
What do you get when you dress the Hulk in Captain America's clothes?
A Star-Spangled Banner.
What is the shortest review about traveling to Oklahoma?
It's OK.
Why can't America switch from pounds to kilograms?
It would cause mass confusion.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?
Because it's indivisible.
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
He refused to lie.
Why is the average student's report card patriotic?
It goes from C to shining C.
Why is it spelled 'cancelled' in the UK, but 'canceled' in the US?
Because the US gave the UK the L back in 1776.
How many US Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But it takes a generation and they'll replace it with a bulb that's just as broken.
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face and one has his face on a bill.
What was George Washington's least favorite breakfast?
Eggs Benedict Arnold.