A stick.
What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it could kill you.
A pool table.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
Why should you be scared of the area under a tree?
Because it looks a little shady over there.
What do you call a dead pine tree?
A nevergreen.
How do trees access the internet?
They log in.
Where do trees learn math?
Elementree school.
What sickness is caused by eating Christmas trees?
Tinselitis.
How did the doofus break his arm while raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
Did you hear about the lumberjack who cut down exactly 9,999 trees?
He kept a log.
What do trees put on salad?
Branch dressing.
Why didn't the tree like to play checkers?
It was a chessnut.
Why are trees happy when Spring time comes?
It's a re-leaf.
What trees are the most faithful to their partners?
The ones that practice mahogany.
How do you get a one-armed doofus out of a tree?
Wave to him.
What do you call a tree that hates this joke?
A face palm.
What's the sad truth about a talking tree?
It will dialogue.
What did the axe wielding hero say to the evil talking tree?
He said, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
What is the simplest way to describe an acorn?
It's an oak tree, in a nut shell.
What do you call a Christmas tree that knows karate?
Spruce Lee.
What kind of car runs on leaves?
An autumn-mobile.