What do you call a belt made out of $100 bills?
A waist of money.
How much do you earn playing soccer?
Not much. Most people do it just for kicks.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He needed cold hard cash.
What is the most expensive fish to swim with?
A shark. It can cost an arm and a leg.
Did you hear about the one-legged man at the bank?
He was checking his balance.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
He made a mint.
Why are piggy banks so smart?
Because they’re filled with common cents.
Did you know you can get paid for sleeping?
It’s dream job.
How much does a dead battery cost?
It’s free of charge.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
Because his parents wouldn’t cosine.
Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation.
Why is it hard to understand volunteers?
Because they make no cents.
Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?
To make ends meat.
Did you hear about how people fought when the boat paddles went on sale?
It was quite an oar deal.
Why doesn't Yoda lend money?
He's a little short.
How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes?
They always single file, to hide their numbers.
Did you hear about the sale at the Darth Maul?
Everything was half off.
Why do they say talk is cheap?
Because the supply always outweighs the demand.
Why did the accountant commit herself to a mental hospital?
She started hearing invoices in her head.
Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine?
He had nothing left to chauffeur it.
Did you hear about the gymnast's bank account?
Her balance was outstanding.
What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed.
Did you hear about the guy who made pizzas for extra cash?
He kneaded the dough.
Why can't you buy a bagel with cream cheese?
Because folks usually prefer cash or credit.
Why do investors enter a room backwards?
They've always got their eyes on the exit.
Whats the problem with tainted money?
It taint yours and it taint mine.
What do you call a person with a thesaurus but no money?
Impecunious.
Why did the doofus throw her bills out the window?
To send them by air mail.
How can you save money on Valentine's gifts?
Be single.
What do you say to someone who can't afford their water bill?
Get well soon.
What do you get when you put pennies on a buffalo's hooves?
Buffaloafers.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What's the fastest way to start working on your second million dollar fortune?
Give up on the first one early.
Why is it so easy to sell a television with the volume stuck on full?
People can't turn it down.
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face and one has his face on a bill.