Why do they put a fence around a cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why didn't the pirate shower before he had to walk the plank?
He knew he'd be washing up on shore later.
Why can't a Tyrannosaurus Rex clap?
Because they're all dead.
Why are glass coffins popular?
Remains to be seen.
Why did the man refuse to buy a coffin?
It was the last thing he needed.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Call it anything you want, it can’t hear you now.
Why was the mystery writer's will so dissapointing?
Of everything he'd ever written, this one was a dead giveaway.
Why shouldn't you challenge Death to a pillow fight?
No one is prepared for the reaper cushions.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
Did you hear about the art student who jumped from a bridge carrying all of his paint?
He passed with flying colors.
Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at the drive-in?
He went to see Closed for the Winter.
Why did the outlaw want to tie his own noose?
He knew he was getting the hang of it.
Did you hear about the guy who died from eating too many doughnuts?
He went out in a glaze of glory.
Did you hear about the pun that walked into a room and killed ten people?
Pun in, ten dead.
What did Timmy's grandfather ask him in the moments before he kicked the bucket?
He said, "Timmy, do you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Why are helium, curium, and barium the three main medical elements?
If you can't curium or helium, you barium.
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side.