What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
What do you get if you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?
Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Who do you call if you need a really big boat to move two of every animal?
I Noah guy.
What do you call a priest that becomes an attorney?
Father-in-law.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?
A roamin' Catholic.
What's the difference between God and a rock star?
God doesn't walk around thinking he's a rock star.
When Noah was loading the Ark, where did he put the bees?
In the Ark-hives.
Why shouldn't you buy flowers at a monastery?
Because only you can prevent florist friars.
Did you hear about the opera singing monk?
He took a vow of Pavarotti.
What's the benefit of religion?
Reading one book is easier than reading a lot of them.
What is the difference between a thief and a church bell?
One steals from the people the other peals from the steeple.
Why did the Dalai Lama go to the casino?
He likes Tibet.
They avoid exorcising.
How did Noah choose which two animals to take with him?
He was looking for the Arky types.
What do you call someone who only believes in 12.5% of the bible?
An eighth-theist.
What does it mean that protons have mass?
It depends on which church they go to.