Where do pencils come from?
Pennsylvania.
Which state is the smartest?
Alabama - it has four As and a B.
What country's capital is growing the fastest?
Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
Why can't a race that starts in Finland end in Finland?
Because the runners cross the Finnish line.
Why do mountains make everyone laugh?
Because, let me tell you, they're totally hill areas.
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?
European.
Why are the Great Lakes running out of water?
Because everyone is drinking Canada Dry.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
How many South Americans does it take to screw a light bulb?
Probably no more than a Brazilian.
C, eh, N, eh, D, eh.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Can you name a country with no R in the name?
No way.
What is a person really telling you when they tell you they climbed Mount Everest.
It was a challenge to manage all the details, but still, they made it up.
How do truckers contact each other in Wisconsin?
They use a Milwaukee-Talkie.
What do you call a Hawaiian parrot with a cold?
A polly sneezin'.
If Australia's biggest export is boomerangs, what's their biggest import?
Boomerangs.