What did the elevator say when it sneezed?
I think I’m coming down with something.
Why didn't the pony sing at the concert?
He was just a little horse.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste, mostly.
Why did the woman only get sick on work days?
She blamed it on her weekend immune system.
What do you say when the Statue of Liberty sneezes?
God Bless America.
Why don't people call the tinnitus help line?
It just keeps ringing and ringing.
Did you hear about the kid who was addicted to the Hokey Pokey?
Thankfully, he turned himself around. That's what it's all about.
What makes a sick lemon feel better?
Lemon aid.
What sounds like a sneeze, but is made of leather?
A shoe!
Why do quarantine jokes only make a few people laugh?
They’re inside jokes.
They have anty-bodies.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What sickness is caused by eating Christmas trees?
Tinselitis.
What happens if you're allergic to stupidity?
You may break out in sarcasm.
Did you hear about the constipated dyslexic?
He had trouble moving his elbows.
What do you call it when Wonder Woman does too many drugs?
Heroine overdose.
What did the helpless T cell say when facing the infection?
Is there antibody out there?
When is the worst time to have a heart attack?
While performing in charades.
Why is it prudent to keep away from dermatologists?
They make rash decisions.
What do you call it when you're too hungry to sleep?
Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polariods.
Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor because he heard a constant buzzing sound?
Turns out there was a bug going around.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Forgetfulness and diarrhea. You’re running, but you don't know where and can’t remember why.
Why don't they tell jokes about sick horses?
They're lame.
What do you call a hippopotamus who rejects modern medicine until he's deathly ill?
Hippo critical.
Where do you take a sick horse?
To a horspital.
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, you may have to barium.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
If you mash potatoes you don't need to call a doctor.
What will happen if you swallow a book of synonyms?
You'll get thesaurus throat you ever had.
What should you do if people make you sick?
Cook them longer.
What do you give a man that has everything?
Strong antibotics.
What did the T cell say when facing a nasty infection?
Is antibody out there?
Why did the woman get scared when her foot fell asleep?
She worried it might be coma toes.
What happens when you swallow food coloring?
You dye a little on the inside.
What do you call a pig that travels by air?
Swine flu.
Why did Susan take her dog to the vet?
He said he was feeling ruff.
What disease do some unlucky dinosaurs get?
Jurassic Parkinsons.