Why are Russian dolls so egotistical?
They’re completely full of themselves.
How many CEOs does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. The CEO holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.
What's the difference between God and a rock star?
God doesn't walk around thinking he's a rock star.
How many egomaniacs does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. He holds the lightbulb in the socket and the whole world revolves around him.
Why was the equal sign so humble?
He knew he wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
When should you refuse to stand up for what you believe in?
When you believe in sitting down.
Why shouldn't you go to a stable for a confidence boost?
That place is filled with neigh sayers.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Why should you never blame others for the road you're on?
It's your own asphalt.
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.