What do you do when your kid gets a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond?
You'll have to deal with him.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What did the buffalo say when he dropped his little boy off at school?
Bison!
What happened to the kid who was given one more chance to stop using her whistle indoors?
She blew it.
Why did the hard-of-hearing man forbid his children from going to the symphony?
He heard there would be a lot of sax and violins.
What's the problem with pretending to be someone's dad?
It's a faux pa.
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Yogurt go to the Yogurt day care?
To get a little culture.
When potatoes have babies, what are they called?
Tater tots.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it's full groan.
Did you hear about the kid who played with electricity?
His parents grounded him until he learned to conduct himself properly.
Did you hear about the little boy who went to the hospital after eating fifteen toy horses?
It's ok. He's in stable condition.
Why did the dad approve of his daughter's goalie-boyfriend?
He was a real keeper.
What do you call a father when he's doing chores?
A do-dad.
Why is it hard to select the worst Father's Day gift?
It's usually a tie.
Whats the difference between a zombie and baby?
A zombie may eat your brains, but a baby kills your dreams.
If your kid refuses to eat fish, what's a good alternative?
Cats. Cats love fish.
What do you say when you tickle a fashionista?
Gucci Gucci Gucci.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?
They share a common foe.
What do you call it when fish are too old to have babies?
Minnow pause.
How does Kylo Ren spend father's day?
Solo.