What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two!
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime!
What’s the difference between a booger and broccoli?
Kids won’t eat broccoli.
Why did the police charge the child for refusing a nap?
The child was resisting a rest.
Did you hear the one about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground?
It was a knot-for-profit business.
What do you do when your kid gets a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond?
You'll have to deal with him.
What did the kid say when his teacher asked him to name two pronouns?
Who? Me?
Because his mother was a wafer so long.
Why did the daddy rabbit shave?
He had a lot of little hares.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What did the buffalo say when he dropped his little boy off at school?
Bison!
What happened to the kid who was given one more chance to stop using her whistle indoors?
She blew it.
Why did the hard-of-hearing man forbid his children from going to the symphony?
He heard there would be a lot of sax and violins.
When potatoes have babies, what are they called?
Tater tots.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Some kids don't like to eat broccoli.
Why did the baby broom decide to go to bed?
It was very sweepy.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it's full groan.
Did you hear about the kid who played with electricity?
His parents grounded him until he learned to conduct himself properly.
What are the most popular fragrances for ages 12 to 18?
Adolescents.
What do baby parabolas drink?
Quadratic formula.
Did you hear about the little boy who went to the hospital after eating fifteen toy horses?
It's ok. He's in stable condition.
Whats the difference between a zombie and baby?
A zombie may eat your brains, but a baby kills your dreams.