When do you pay for a watch repair?
Wait until the time is right.
Why did the man buy a cheap hair piece?
He felt it was a small price toupee.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.
Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation.
Where do pirates get their hooks?
Second-hand stores.
Did you hear about how people fought when the boat paddles went on sale?
It was quite an oar deal.
Did you hear about the sale at the Darth Maul?
Everything was half off.
Why was the pet store just giving away their legless birds?
There was no perches necessary.
Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine?
He had nothing left to chauffeur it.
Why shouldn't you buy flowers at a monastery?
Because only you can prevent florist friars.
Why can't you buy a bagel with cream cheese?
Because folks usually prefer cash or credit.
How can you save money on Valentine's gifts?
Be single.
Where did the doofus go to buy electricity?
The outlet mall.
Where did the cow get his fancy wooden furniture?
From a cattle log.
Why did the bald man ask to see the wig store salesman?
Toupee.
Where do shrimp sell their collectables?
At a prawn shop.
Why shouldn't you buy shoes from a drug dealer?
Because you don't know what he laced them with, and you could be tripping all day.
What did the sales lady say when asked if their fancy underwear was satin?
She said no. It was all brand-new.
What's so infuriating about buying a blank thesaurus.
There are no words.
How does Spider-Man pay for a piece of candy?
Spidey cents.
Why should you never buy from a constipated baker?
Because they've been kneading a poo.
Did you hear about the sale at the optimism store?
Everything is 50% on.
Why is it so easy to sell a television with the volume stuck on full?
People can't turn it down.