Carefully.
Where did the hippie find a wife?
Mississippi.
Why did the woman date a mushroom?
Because he was a fungi.
What did Venus say to Saturn?
Give me a ring sometime.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
When should you take a plum to dinner?
Only if you can’t find a date.
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day?
It was loaf at first sight.
Why don't you ever date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
Why couldn’t Luke Skywalker find love?
He was looking in Alderaan places.
Why did the capacitor kiss the diode?
He just couldn't resistor.
What's the difference between a car tire and 365 love letters?
One's a Goodyear, one's a great year.
What did everyone say when Oxygen and Magnesium got married?
They were like, OMg!
Why is it romantic to give someone a small abacus?
It's the little things that count.
Why did the physicist break up with the biologist?
There was no chemistry.
How do geologists ask each other out?
They say, “Are you a carbon sample? Because I’d love to date you.”
Why can't eagles mate with eels?
That's eel eagle.
How would you define a mistress?
Somewhere between a mister and a mattress.
What did the Nihilist whisper into his lover's ear?
Sweet Nothings.
What trees are the most faithful to their partners?
The ones that practice mahogany.
What did the man with the broken leg tell his Valentine?
I have a crutch on you.
Why did the dad approve of his daughter's goalie-boyfriend?
He was a real keeper.
Did you hear about the couple who went canoeing on their first date?
It was pretty row-mantic.
How can you save money on Valentine's gifts?
Be single.
What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid's arrow?
Ouch!
What did the chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day?
Just a little quiche.
What did one side of the toast say to the other?
You're my butter half.
What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine’s Day?
Cauliflowers.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
It gave her a ring.
What do you call a very small Valentine?
A Valentiny.
What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their date?
We have potential.
Why did the man bring his crush to a volcano?
He was hoping she'd fall in lava with him.
How do you get a country girl’s attention?
A tractor.
Why should you never date an apostrophe?
They can be possessive.
Why did the melons have a big wedding ceremony?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why don't people have weddings in the winter?
They're worried about someone getting cold feet.
How do you break up with a farmer?
Write a John Deere letter.
How do tightrope walkers meet their romantic partners?
Online dating.
How are relationships like algebra?
Because you look at an X and wonder Y.
How do you find out if your significant other loves you as much as your dog does?
Lock both in the trunk of your car for an hour and see who's happier to see you afterward.
What's the best way to get over someone who's broken your heart.
A steamroller.
Why is losing one sock so bad for the other sock?
It's tragic to be separated from your sole mate.
Why did the telegraph operators fall in love?
They just clicked.
What's the difference between a romantic comedy and a horror movie?
In a romantic comedy, people die on the inside.
Why did the doofus and his girlfriend eat their pizza while standing on the box?
It said "best consumed by date on package".
Why is boyfriend one word and best friend two words?
Because your best friend gives you a little space when you need it.
Why did the farmer's wife leave him?
He was always picking up chicks.
Why was the ghost lonely?
He lost his ghoul friend.