What kind of math to they teach to farm animals?
Cowculus.
Have you heard the world's funniest statistics joke?
Probably not.
What did the mathematician pour root beer in a square glass?
He wanted a beer.
What did the 90° angle say after an argument?
"It turns out, I was right!"
Because 7 8 9.
How do math teachers get warm in a cold room?
They go to the corner, where it's ninety degrees.
Why did two 4s skip dinner?
Because they already 8.
Why did the math book so to a therapist?
It had a lot of problems.
What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It's two gross.
With a cowculator.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why shouldn’t you talk to a math whiz about infinity?
You will never hear the end of it.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What do baby mathematicians drink?
Formula.
Why are parallel lines so sad?
They have so much in common, but they'll never, ever meet.
How come no one picks statistics as their favorite subject?
It’s just average.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt.
How come people like decimals more than fractions?
Because with fractions, there's just no point.
7 likes 3 square meals.
What do you say to the guy who invented zero?
Thanks for nothing.
What did the triangle feel sorry for the circle?
Because it’s pointless.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
Because his parents wouldn’t cosine.
Why should you never trust someone writing on graph paper?
Because they might be plotting something.
What tool do mathematicians use most?
Multi-pliers.
Why don't mathematicians like to be called average?
It's mean.
Why do bratty teenagers travel in groups of threes and fives?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the king who was exactly 12 inches tall?
He became known as a great ruler.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Where do trees learn math?
Elementree school.
What's it called when the bottom half of a fraction is made out of cake?
A de-nom-nom-nom-inator.
Why did the student worry about using a calculator for the first time?
She wasn't sure she could count on it.
Why can't America switch from pounds to kilograms?
It would cause mass confusion.
Why is it romantic to give someone a small abacus?
It's the little things that count.
Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?
Because it's indivisible.
Did you hear that 99% of people play scary pranks on their friends?
That's a frightening statistic.
What is 11 + 71 - 4.5 / 6 × 71.1 + 3?
A headache.
Why do plants hate algebra?
They don't like square roots.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over ninety degrees.
Why was the equal sign so humble?
He knew he wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
What do baby parabolas drink?
Quadratic formula.
Where did the sine and her cosine go?
They went off on a tangent.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was 3 feet deep, on average.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane.
Why are larger sample sizes more statistically relevant?
The N's justify the means.
How are relationships like algebra?
Because you look at an X and wonder Y.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?
Summer.
What do you tell someone who says science is better than math?
Prove it.
What do you call a mathematician who can't afford lunch?
A binomial.
What do you call someone who only believes in 12.5% of the bible?
An eighth-theist.
What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meter long?
A pi thon.
How can you tell if a mathematician is into figure skating?
Look for the Fibonacci sequins.
How do you know if a farmer is good at math?
When he counts his chickens before they hatch.
Why did four refuse to be in the number play?
It was two squared to get on stage.
Did you hear about the rancher who had 97 cows in his field?
When he rounded them up, he had 100.
What did the organic mathematician put in her fireplace?
A natural log.