What kind of math to they teach to farm animals?
Cowculus.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
Why did the skeleton fail his test?
He was kind of a bonehead.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
The teacher woke him up.
What did the kid say when his teacher asked him to name two pronouns?
Who? Me?
Why was the broom late to school?
It over-swept.
Why are cross-eyed teachers so bad?
They can’t control their pupils.
How do math teachers get warm in a cold room?
They go to the corner, where it's ninety degrees.
What do elves learn in kindergarten?
The elfabet.
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already has, like, a million degrees.
What do you call it when a lawyer takes a test early in the morning?
A breakfast bar.
What kind of Dinosaur knows the most words?
A Thesaurus
Why did Rudolph have a bad report card?
Because he went down in History.
How come no one picks statistics as their favorite subject?
It’s just average.
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What did the buffalo say when he dropped his little boy off at school?
Bison!
Did you hear about the guy who was only familiar with 25 letters in the alphabet?
He didn't really know why.
What’s the smartest insect?
A spelling bee.
Why was the student’s report card wet?
It was below C level.
What tool do mathematicians use most?
Multi-pliers.
Why don't mathematicians like to be called average?
It's mean.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Where do trees learn math?
Elementree school.
What do you call a cat teacher?
A purrfessor.
Why did the student worry about using a calculator for the first time?
She wasn't sure she could count on it.
Did you hear about that amazing frog documentary?
I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was ribbeting.
How did the student manage to get an 'A' on their origami assignment?
She just turned her paper into her teacher.
What is 11 + 71 - 4.5 / 6 × 71.1 + 3?
A headache.
What is orange and red and full of disappointment?
High school lunch pizza.
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
Graduated, whatever, but I have more degrees.
What do you call a teacher who forgot to take attendance?
Absent-minded.
Why is the average student's report card patriotic?
It goes from C to shining C.
What do you get when you mix 9th grade literature with alcohol?
Tequila mockingbird.
Why did Lucy decide to become a teacher?
Because she wanted to inspire the next generation of humans to make the same mistakes she did.
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
There was no chemistry between them.
When can studying on a ship lead to a better academic outcome?
When it's on a scholarship.
Did you hear about the art student who jumped from a bridge carrying all of his paint?
He passed with flying colors.
Did you hear about the college professor who was involved in a car wreck?
He was grading papers on a curve.
Why can’t you take a bunch of acting classes at once?
Acting classes are best taken in stages.
Why is the Magician's Exam the hardest to pass at Hogwart's?
They're all trick questions.
Why are fish always swimming in schools?
Because they can never get above C level.
What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A lot of tough blood tests.
What do PHD students eat when they're hungry?
Academia nuts.
What is the most reliable way to get straight A's in school?
Use a ruler.
Why does fresh juice have a hard time in school?
It can't concentrate.
What did Timmy say when the teacher asked him to name two pronouns?
Who? Me?
Why did the girl name her eraser "confidence"?
It got smaller every time she made a mistake.
What do you get when your teacher is a vampire?
Blood tests.
Why did the science kid recite the alphabet as A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
Because he heard water was H2O.
What's the problem with a degree in history?
There's no future in it.
What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
Captain Hooky.
What do you call a teacher who does't fart in public?
A private tooter.
What is the worst thing about Ancient History Class?
The teachers tend to Babylon.