Why did the philosopher wear wrapping paper?
He wanted to live in the present.
Why is it romantic to give someone a small abacus?
It's the little things that count.
How can you save money on Valentine's gifts?
Be single.
What did the chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day?
Just a little quiche.
What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine's Day?
He gave her a great big hog.
What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine’s Day?
Cauliflowers.
Why is dirt the perfect gift?
It has great sedimental value.
What do you give a man that has everything?
Strong antibotics.
Why is it hard to select the worst Father's Day gift?
It's usually a tie.