Did you hear about the girl who lost her mood ring?
She didn't know how to feel about it.
What kind of music do balloons dislike?
Pop music.
Did you hear about the lady who got too excited about the arrival of spring?
She was so happy she wet her plants.
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
Why did the cook cry about boiling water?
Because he knew it would be mist.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
Why was the archeologist depressed?
His whole career was in ruins.
Why are sad people silent at a Mexican restaurant?
They probably don't want to taco bout it.
Why are skeletons so afraid of everything?
They don’t have any guts.
Why did the deer refuse to smile?
He was ashamed of his buck teeth.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
Why did the ham sandwich walk away from the coffee shop in tears?
It saw a sign saying they didn’t serve food.
What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane.
Why is the ocean embarrassed?
Because all of the fish can see its bare bottom.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What was the geologist disappointed to find limestone?
He had taken it for granite.
Why are parallel lines so sad?
They have so much in common, but they'll never, ever meet.
Why should you be scared of the area under a tree?
Because it looks a little shady over there.
They have no body to be with.
Why did the pediatrician lose his temper?
Because he had very little patients.
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
What is the opposite of a croissant?
A happy uncle.
What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
Smiles. There’s a mile between the first letter and the last letter.
What caused the angry witch to get into a broom crash?
She flew off the handle.
Because his mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a sad coffee?
Depresso.
What did the shy pebble wish for?
That she was a little boulder.
Because the shore never waves back.
Why does beach sand make the ocean emotional?
It's quite a profound sediment.
Why are frogs always so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
What do you call a happy farmer?
A jolly rancher.