What are bald sea captains most worried about?
Cap sizing.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why didn't the pirate shower before he had to walk the plank?
He knew he'd be washing up on shore later.
Why did the new doofus navy use glass bottom boats?
So they could see the old doofus navy.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
Why don't sailors play cards?
Someone is always standing on the deck.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
You might think it's R but his first love will always be the C.
What's the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate?
Depends on their booty.
Why did Sweden paint barcodes on their battleships?
So they could Scandinavian.
What do you call a man adrift on the ocean?
Bob.
What do pirates wear in the winter?
Long Johns Silver.
When can studying on a ship lead to a better academic outcome?
When it's on a scholarship.
What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie.
Why don’t the Jedi have a Navy?
Because a life at sea is a path to the dock side.
Where does a sailor go for vision problems?
He goes to the aye, aye doctor.
What happened when the purple ship crashed into the red ship?
Both crews were marooned.
What do you get when you cross the Titanic with a speech impediment?
Something unthinkable.
Why can't you trust a centrifuge on a submarine?
It's a subterfuge.
Why do pirates make great singers?
Because they always hit the high C.
Did you hear about the quantum pirate?
He'll make you walk the Planck.