What did the wheat field say to the harvester?
I yield!
How do you know if a farmer is good at math?
When he counts his chickens before they hatch.
Why is it tough to play poker with cattle farmers?
They're always raising the steaks.
What did the farmer say when asked how long cows should be milked?
You milk them the same amount of time as the short cows.
Why did the farmer's wife leave him?
He was always picking up chicks.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
What kind of math to they teach to farm animals?
Cowculus.
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime!
With a cowculator.
What do you call a tired bull?
A bulldozer.
What do you call it when you see the same cow twice?
Deja moo.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
If you cross bees with cows, that’s all you can have on a farm. Why is that?
There’s no good reason. It’s just bee cows.
Because their horns don’t work.
How do you get a country girl’s attention?
A tractor.
Where do horses like to live?
In a nice neighborhood.
What did one Dorito farmer say to the other?
Cool Ranch!
How do you break up with a farmer?
Write a John Deere letter.
Did you hear about the little boy who went to the hospital after eating fifteen toy horses?
It's ok. He's in stable condition.
Did you hear about Jack, who speaks to his crops?
Jack and the beans talk.
What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine's Day?
He gave her a great big hog.
What do you call a pig thief?
A ham burglar.
What do you call a happy farmer?
A jolly rancher.
What did the farmer do when a picture of his broken down fence when viral on social media?
He reposted it.
Where does the three legged horse live?
The unstable.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
What do you get when you mix a aooster, a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?
Cocker-poodle BOO!
How do cows make themselves pretty?
Cowsmetics.
What do you get if you cross a cow and rooster?
Roost beef.