Why was the archeologist depressed?
His whole career was in ruins.
Why are spiders great web developers?
They like finding bugs.
Why are cross-eyed teachers so bad?
They can’t control their pupils.
Why did the best taxi driver get fired?
He was always going the extra mile.
Why did the girl want a job in a mirror factory?
It was something she could totally see herself doing.
How do you get fired from a weight lifting job?
You get a too weak notice.
Why did the burglar crawl into his own window?
He was working from home that day.
What does a Taxidermist do?
Stuff.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Did you know you can get paid for sleeping?
It’s dream job.
Why can’t you tell jokes about unemployed people?
None of them work.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He took a day off.
What do you call a priest that becomes an attorney?
Father-in-law.
Why is it hard to understand volunteers?
Because they make no cents.
Why did the dolphin hunter quit his job?
He felt it was defeating the porpoise.
Why did she quit her job at the helium factory?
She simply refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
How is Christmas like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Why did the grizzly get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Why was the man fired from the pasta factory?
He made a fusilli errors.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a hardware problem.
What's another word for a face tattoo?
An everlasting jobstopper.
How can you tell a plumber from a chemist?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
What's worse than a two hour commute to get to work?
The eight hour wait to go home.
How does a penman make his living?
He charges a calligra-fee.
Why did Lucy decide to become a teacher?
Because she wanted to inspire the next generation of humans to make the same mistakes she did.
Why did Joe decide to become a politician?
He wanted to make a difference in the world, but he didn't want to do any actual work.
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why did the doofus get fired from being an elevator operator?
He couldn't remember the route.
Why was the deer afraid to talk to his boss?
There was a sign on his desk that said "The Buck Stops here".
What does it mean if you work hard and don't get anything for it?
Someone else did.
Why did the man quit his job as a mail carrier on the first day?
He started to deliver the mail and realized, this isn't for me.
What's the problem with a degree in history?
There's no future in it.
Why is picking up trash an easy job to learn?
You just pick it up here and there as you go along.
What do they call the boss at Old McDonald’s farm?
He's the C-I-E-I-O.
Did you hear that KFC fired every single one of their leaders?
It was a chicken coup.
How many tech-support people does it take to change a light bulb?
Please continue to hold. Your call is very important to us.
How did the wife know her husband was stealing from his job building roads?
She walked into their garage and all the signs were there.
Who do they bring in if the stand-up comedian can't make the show?
A stand-in comedian.
Why was Igor fired from his job as an interrogator?
He didn't ask why.
They're always working the graveyard shift.