How come you can't make a reservation at the library?
They're completely booked.
At the library, where can you find books on paranoia?
Probably right behind you.
Why did the man say when he was arrested for stealing encyclopedias?
He said, “Wait! I can explain everything!”
Did you read that book about falling down the stairs?
It’s a step by step guide.
Why did the math book so to a therapist?
It had a lot of problems.
Why was the librarian embarrassed when he was hurt by falling books?
It was a shelf-inflicted wound.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll.
Where can you find a book on paranoia?
It’s probably right behind you.
Did you hear about that new book about adhesives?
I bet you can't put it down.
What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite school lunch?
Mystery meat.
What do you get when you throw a billion books into the ocean?
A title wave.
Have you heard about the world's most famous water spy?
Bond. Hydrogen Bond.
How does Albus get into Hogwarts?
Through the Dumble-door.
What do you call the wizard who fell down the stairs?
Tumbledore.
Why was the mystery writer's will so dissapointing?
Of everything he'd ever written, this one was a dead giveaway.
Why is it a problem when someone rips pages out of the front and back of a dictionary?
Because it might just go from bad to worse.
Which type of books are the easiest to get through?
Non-friction books.
What did Tigger tell his tiger friends when he brought Winnie the Pooh to a party?
Bear with me.
What do you get when you mix 9th grade literature with alcohol?
Tequila mockingbird.
Did you hear about Jack, who speaks to his crops?
Jack and the beans talk.
What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite supper?
Mystery meat.
What do pirates wear in the winter?
Long Johns Silver.
Have you heard about the custom of spending each day in Cuba drinking ten mojitos?
It's the hemming way.
Why is the Magician's Exam the hardest to pass at Hogwart's?
They're all trick questions.
What do you call a pompous Hobbit?
Bilbo Braggins.
When they're not on the same page.
What will happen if you swallow a book of synonyms?
You'll get thesaurus throat you ever had.
What's the slipperiest part of the book store?
The non-friction section.
Did you hear about the book on Stockholm Syndrome?
It's painful in the beginning, but you'll end up loving it.
What makes The Hunchback of Notre Dame so good?
Everyone loves a protagonist with a twisted back story.
What's so infuriating about buying a blank thesaurus.
There are no words.
What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
Captain Hooky.
What’s a bee’s favorite novel?
The Great Gats-bee.